Review of Hellblazers

Hellblazers (2022)
5/10
One of the better Tubi originals, but that's not the highest bar
29 January 2024
Warning: Spoilers
Who it's for: Fans of horror movies like the cheesy, often lumbering Lovecraft adaptations from the 90s - if you can watch them in all their uneven glory, you'll probably have a lot of fun watching this movie. I recommend watching it with friends who enjoy yelling advice at the screen and view watching horror movies as a social activity.

Who it's not for: Gorehounds who want lots of blood, people who hate "evil cult" movies, people who can't find any joy watching low-budget indie flicks made by people who dream a bit higher than they can reach, people who only like deeply intellectual movies.

What it's got going for it: A) A decent plot. B) Some fun classic horror actors that it's always good to see on screen. C) A sense of humor. D) A clear love for the genre. E) A good climax. F) Actors who obviously care about their role and aren't just zombie-ing their way through the lines like you get in flicks from The Asylum; when they look and sound amateurish in the beginning, it's intentional. G) A monster that looks way better than Rawhead Rex (again, a low bar, but hey).

What this move needed: A) An editor. The dialogue would be a lot funnier with better pacing, and the action would have as well. B) A bigger budget, especially for special effects. For the amount of people killed in this movie, the deaths are ridiculously bloodless. C) Less restraint. This movie deserved to run wild and go to 11. I don't care if you're using sausages and ketchup like the first NotLD movie, put that axe into someone's stomach and let the gory good times fly. That's what the core audience of a movie like this is going to be there for. D) More on-screen time for the horror greats. I don't know if it was a budget or availability issue, but I for one would have LOVED to see Tony Todd or Adrienne Barbeau as the sheriff, for example. Let the folks with the horror chops lift the movie up. E) A little more awareness. It's 2022, we're past the point of only having one black character who sacrifices himself to save the main white cast with no motivation. See D - Tony Todd as the lead would have been banging.

All that said, I finished this movie with a certain fondness for it. It's low-budget, but it knows what its job was. It's decently directed and shot, and decently acted. It just needed *more*.
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