Beach Party (1963)

Robert Cummings: Professor Sutwell

Photos 

Quotes 

• Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Here, take a look, please.

  Marianne : Oh, not me! I blush easily. I'm a Philadelphia girl.

• Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Marianne, this book will be my triumph.

  Marianne : And you'll never get it though the mail. But hang on to the picture rights, I'm sure American International will snap it up in a minute.

• Cappy : Just one thing, Professor, will you level with me? What's with the feather duster? The beard? You think it moves the chicks?

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : No, it usually works the other way.

  Cappy : I don't dig. You don't want to level with me?

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : All right, I'll level with you. When I first started out at Harvard, I was the youngest professor at the university. I was so young that it was sickening. No one took me seriously. Every time when I opened my mouth to speak, my students laughed, the other professors laughed, even the janitors laughted. Well, I knew it couldn't go on for long before I would be fired by the dean who did not want a professor that his students didn't take seriously. So one day at lunch, I sat down in the student cafeteria and presented my problem to this old professor friend of mine. And without even glancing up from his soup, he said to me: "buy yourself a pair of glasses and grow a beard." So you see, all of this is just 18 years of professor windowdressing.

  Cappy : Amazing how our lives parallel. You have that, and I have this.

  [points to the goatee on his chin] 

  Cappy : You know why I grew this? I got a dimple in my chin and I didn't want anyone mistaking me for Kirk Douglas.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : But you don't look anything like Kirk Douglas.

  Cappy : See? It works.

• Eric Von Zipper : Ah, Professor?

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Yes, Mr. Von Zipper?

  Eric Von Zipper : I wonder if we could talk for a minute?

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : You mean like palaver?

  Eric Von Zipper : We could do that, too.

• Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : I'm doing research on post-adolescent surf dwellers. I'm writing a book. It's called the Sutwell Report.

  Cappy : How 'bout that.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : I'm studying their rather primitive behavior patterns.

  Cappy : Boy, you came to the right cat. If anything you want to know about these kids I can tell you the whole thing in two words - they're nuts.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : They're nuts?

  Cappy : Yes, see, you noticed it too.

• Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : [flying DeeDee in his plane]  Dolores, this is a great little plane, it will do anything.

  Dolores : [her face turns green]  Will it land?

• Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : [helping DeeDee out of the plane]  Will I see you tomorrow?

  Dolores : Only if they allow me visitors.

• Marianne : Well! I can see the headlines now: Famed Anthropologist Dr. R. O. Sutwell Arrested As A Peeping Tom.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : My, dear young woman, at this moment I'm concentrating on developmental biology in human beings.

  Marianne : That's what I mean.

• Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : It's my new book. Oh, by the way, how do you like this title: The Behavior Pattern of the Young Adult and it's Relation to Primitive Tribes.

  Marianne : I've got a shorter title.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : What's that?

  Marianne : Teenage Sex!

• Marianne : Have I ever said no?

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Come to think of it, you never have.

• Marianne : I'll help.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Thank you, Marianne.

  Marianne : On one condition.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Yes, what's that?

  Marianne : After you write this book on sex...

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Yes?

  Marianne : Read it!

• Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : The music you hear in the background they're playing - a brief footnote on a comparison to Haitian Voodoo ceremony.

• Dolores : You better let me go.

  Eric Von Zipper : Hey! I like you. And what Eric Von Zipper wants, he gets.

  [moves in for a kiss] 

  Dolores : No. No! Don't!

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Excuse me. Excuse me.

  Eric Von Zipper : Huh?

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : I'm R.O. Sutwell. I'm sorry to intrude; but, you're molesting this young lady.

• Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Dolores, I've got to confess something to you. You've suddenly become very important to me and I'm interested in finding out more about you.

  Dolores : Oh?

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : You see, I'm an explorer. I explore. You understand?

  Dolores : Yes, I understand.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : You're my first contact.

  Dolores : Really? At your age?

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Yes. And to men at my age, first contacts are terribly important.

• Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : You know, I think it would be better if we talked this over at my place.

  Dolores : [gulp]  Alright.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : You mean you will?

  Dolores : Yes.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Tomorrow then.

  Dolores : Tomorrow?

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Yes, say about noon.

  Dolores : Oh, Robert, you even know when a girl shouldn't be rushed!

• Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Would you say that I'm an old man?

  Marianne : Older than what?

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Older than young.

• Marianne : [Dolores leaves]  No wonder you feel old.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Marianne, that's my first contact. It's pure research! It's business.

  Marianne : Lolita business.

• Dolores : Isn't it a hooting day!

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Yes, it - a hooting day?

  Dolores : The sets are so glassy!

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : The sets are glassy?

  Dolores : The waves! They're just like glass!

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Oh, I see. Tell me something. Hooting, now, as I see it, means, sort of a cry of pleasure - from the word: to hoot?

  Dolores : Oh, yeah. Robert, you're so intelligent!

• Marianne : By the way, how did the game go last night? Any home runs?

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : No. But, it wasn't exactly a shut out.

• Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : I'm really enjoying this. Scratch you later, chick.

  Marianne : Eh, *dig* you later.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Dig? Oh, yes, yes. Yes, I must work on that.

• Dolores : Robert, you know I like you very much.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : I like you too.

  Dolores : Thank you. But, I just can't stand by and listen to what they're saying about you behind your back.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : What are they saying?

  Dolores : They're calling you awful things, like: hair mattress, old billy goat, pig bristles, and the finger!

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : The finger?

• Frankie : Who's she?

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : She happens to be...

  Marianne : His girl!

  Frankie : Boy, for an oldie, you really move around!

  Marianne : He takes vitamins.

• Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : You know, Marianne, you won't believe this; but, my next trip is gonna be to the Mariana Islands.

  Marianne : Oh!

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Yes.

• Eric Von Zipper : Look, nobody tells Eric Von Zipper nothin'!

  J.D. : That's right, nobody tells Eric Von Zipper nothin'!

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Who are you?

  J.D. : J.D.

  Eric Von Zipper : That's short for "Juvenile Delinquent."

• Frankie : I want to talk to you about Delores. I'm Frankie.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Oh, hi, Frankie. I'm...

  Frankie : I know who you are.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : You do?

  Frankie : You're the guy that's been cutting in on my time!

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : No, please, just a moment I...

  Frankie : You're brainwashing her with your beard!

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Brainwashing her with my beard?

  Frankie : Why else would she be crazy about someone like you?

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Now that, I resent.

  Frankie : I mean, you're an old man.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Now just a second. If you're so crazy about Dolores, why are you running around flirting with that Hungarian goulash?

  Frankie : Because she's my girl.

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Who? Goulash?

  Frankie : No, Dolores!

  Prof. Robert O. Sutwell : Oh, I see now, yes! You're trying to make her jealous. Put her down. Typical Aborigine attitude. I suppose you'd like to drag her off on your surfboard by the roots of her hair.

  Frankie : Yes, I would! I love her. Look, I know how you can love her too because she's lovable. But I'm telling you this: I am not gonna let any over aged fuzzy-face take away my girl! Not, if I have anything to do with it, and believe me Mister, I do! By the way, how are you fixed for blades?

  [Frankie exits before Sutwell can say anything, who then sighs with frustration]