The Apple Dumpling Gang (1975)

Bill Bixby: Russel Donavan

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Donovan : You always kiss like that?

  Dusty : I've been saving up.

• Celia Bradley : Mr. Donovan, I gotta go.

  Russell Donovan : [beat]  But you just went.

  Celia Bradley : I gotta go again.

  Russell Donovan : That's impossible! Go to sleep.

  Celia Bradley : I'm gonna have an accident!

• Donovan : [looking skyward, trying to talk to God]  What have I done to deserve this?

  Clovis : Who are you talking to?

  Donovan : It doesn't matter. I don't think He's listening to me anyway.

• [Dusty is trying to beat him up] 

  Donovan : Dusty, will you just let me say one word?

  Dusty : One!

  Donovan : Dusty...

  Dusty : That's it!

• Dusty : Donovan? Yes you, you snake oil salesman! Are you coming out here or am I coming in there?

  Russell Donovan : What's the matter, Dusty? Is there some trouble?

  Dusty : Yes, there's trouble all right! And you're in it!

• Russell Donovan : [coming to after Dusty knocks him out with a spitoon and sees her coming at him again]  Dusty! Dusty! Would you just tell me what's bothering you?!

  Dusty : [grabbing Donovan by the jacket]  That bed! That great, big, brass bed! If you had no intention of exercising your husbandly prerogatives, why'd you buy that bed?

  Russell Donovan : That's it? The *bed*?

  Dusty : *Yes*!

  Russell Donovan : [holds her hands away from him]  The bed happens to be for the kids, Dusty. When the nights are getting colder, they'll need a *warmer* place to sleep. So the brass bed is for the boys, and the smaller bed is for *Celia*!

  Dusty : [sweetly]  Well, why didn't you say so in the first place, then we could have avoided this little misunderstanding.

  [frees her hands and walks through the mess in the bar over to the door where Celia is sitting] 

  Dusty : [takes her hand]  Come along, Celia. This is no place for a lady.

• Homer McCoy : Welcome to Quake City, Donovan. Looks like luck is against you.

  Russell Donovan : Well, there's one good thing about luck - it always changes. And I got a feeling mine is just around the corner.

• John Wintle : Donovan! I haven't seen you since, ah...

  Russell Donovan : Santa Fe.

  John Wintle : Right!

  Russell Donovan : When you sold me the Marshal's horse.

  John Wintle : Right. I was just funnin', Donovan.

  Russell Donovan : The Marshal wasn't amused.

• Donovan : Three 'widdle' kids? Three little swindlers, you mean.

• Dusty : Donovan? I'm sorry I hit you in the head with the spitoon.

  Russell Donovan : [smiles]  A perfectly logical misunderstanding. And I'm sorry I offered to buy you a drink in the saloon, too.

  Dusty : A perfectly logical misunderstanding.

  Russell Donovan : Well, I wouldn't make that mistake again.

  Dusty : You wouldn't?

  Russell Donovan : [steps closer, looks as if he's about to kiss her - then he shakes her hand instead]  Good luck, Dusty.

• Clovis : What's that?

  Russell Donovan : Salt pork.

  [beat] 

  Russell Donovan : I think.

  Clovis : It looks like fat.

  Russell Donovan : Well, whatever it, it's dinner.

  Clovis : [disgusted]  That's dinner?

  Russell Donovan : That's dinner!

• Donovan : [Donovan's been trying all day to pawn the orphans off on someone else]  Ah, the lady of the house!

  Mrs. Stockley : [drops her empty gin bottle and it shatters]  Kids, yick!

  Donovan : The children are marvelous about parties. They love parties themselves!

  Mrs. Stockley : [to her husband as she drags him back inside and starts to close the door on him]  Come on!

  Donovan : If you'd just take one small look...

  [she slams the door] 

  Bobby : Who was that?

  Donovan : [flatly]  That was the president of the garden club.

• Clovis Bradley : [the banker walks out of the saloon holding Donovan's bejeweled pin]  Hey Mr. Donovan, why does he got your cherished token of a lady's affection?

  Russel Donavan : Because three deuces beats aces over eights, that's why.

• Bobby : If they give us to Mrs. Stockley, she won't hit us with a stick, will she?

  Russell Donovan : Why would she hit you with a stick?

  Bobby : She hits Mr. Stockley with a stick.