I'm Alan Partridge (TV Series)

The Colour of Alan (2002)

Steve Brody: Piet Morant

Photos 

Quotes 

• Piet Morant : [South African accent]  NO, YOU CAN'T!

  Alan Partridge : [thinking he's said another word beginning with C]  Well, there's no need for that! I only wanted to do a couple of jokes.

  Piet Morant : YOU CAN'T!

  Alan Partridge : You've done it again! You've said it again! Just because I've got a shit table?

• Alan Partridge : What part of Birmingham are you from?

  Piet Morant : No, Alan, I'm actually from South Africa.

  Alan Partridge : Oh yes, of course.

  [in a South African accent] 

  Alan Partridge : I should have 'gissed'.

• Alan Partridge : Michael's in charge of our, er, internet computer.

  Michael : Aye. There's nae porn on it!

  Alan Partridge : [to Piet]  Did you understand that?

  Piet Morant : No.

  Alan Partridge : Good.

• Alan Partridge : The security is terrible here. I actually booked the room under the name of the Real IRA. They didn't bat an eyelid. I'll just go and tell them it's me.

  [as Alan opens the door to the room, two police officers can be seen inside. He goes inside and shuts the door. A moment later he comes back out] 

  Alan Partridge : We've got to get out of here.

  Piet Morant : What's the problem?

  Alan Partridge : Crossed wires.

• Alan Partridge : [complaining about the security at the country club]  They know who I am, you know, but you could be a sex offender. All right, yes, you've come to use the excellent facilities but you're still a sex offender.

  Piet Morant : But I'm not a sex offender.

  Alan Partridge : It's all right, they won't ask you about it.

  Piet Morant : But I'm not a sex offender!

  Alan Partridge : Hey, that's something we've got in common.