The Jack Benny Program (TV Series)
Railroad Station Program (1958)
Jack Benny: Jack Benny
Quotes
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Jack Benny : I just can't understand why you have to make all that racket with the hammer.
Chuck : Because the hammer is made out of metal and the pipe is made out of metal.
Jack Benny : Well, can't you do something to muffle the sound?
Chuck : Yeah, if you'll be kind enough to help me.
Jack Benny : OK, what is it you want me to do?
Chuck : Put your head between the pipe and the hammer.
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Rochester Van Jones : Oh, by the way Boss, the man from the pet shop called and the cheapest he'll be able to take care of the parrot for is 75 cents a day.
Jack Benny : Oh, I meant to tell you, I took Polly someplace else.
Rochester Van Jones : You did?
Jack Benny : Yeah, well here, put this in the drawer so it won't get lost. When we get home, I'll need this to get Polly back.
Rochester Van Jones : Boss, a pawn ticket?
Jack Benny : She'll be well fed and taken care of. That's the law.
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Jack Benny : Oh, you're going all the way to Chicago?
Mr. Kitzel : Yes, and I can see my wife's face now, whoo! will she be surprised!
Jack Benny : Oh, she doesn't know you're coming?
Mr. Kitzel : She doesn't know I'm going.
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Rochester Van Jones : Uh oh!
Jack Benny : What's the matter?
Rochester Van Jones : I can't fasten the suitcase, the lock is broken.
Jack Benny : Go out on the back porch and bring some rope.
Rochester Van Jones : Yes
Jack Benny : You know, Don, I'm going to take my violin with me because I'll... you know I'll have three days on the train to practice.
Rochester Van Jones : Say boss, on second thought, if you gonna play your violin, we'd better not have any rope around.
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Jack Benny : Oh Mister... Mister.
Ticket Agent : YYYesss?
Jack Benny : Are you the ticket agent?
Ticket Agent : If I'm not, I made two thousand dollars today.
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Turkey voice : [as Jack plays his violin] Gobble gobble gobble.
Jack Benny : Oh shut up!