Since I seem to enjoy griping about The Pitts so much, I thought I would take a look at the pilot episode, but no more. I've seen enough of this horrible show, but I also think it's important to look back and see how this stunning display of idiocy got started. The pilot is the most important episode of any show, as it's not only the first one, but it sends the groundwork for the rest of the series. It's also what they show to the network to convince them that this has the potential to be a full, successful series. The pilot introduces our characters, their surroundings, their plights, their lives, their quirks. Shows us the people we'll be spending the series with, people we need to relate to or, at the very least, sympathize with. The story is usually basic, something that gets the ball rolling. While some pilots are not always the best, they still get the message across. Now, how does a series like The Pitts start? With an exorcism. Now that's the most symbolic and meta start to a series I've ever seen. It also blows my freakin' mind. Most series start with some sort of manifest, something that sets the tone. Petey being possessed by a demon? What statement does that make? Are they hinting that The Pitts are cursed by The Devil or something? No, I bet even Satan himself would hate this show. By the way, nice big-ass Simpsons poster they got hanging in Petey's room. Bet you're real proud of yourself, Mike. Yeah, we could be watching The Simpsons instead of this crap, as even their newer episodes are better. Oh, and Faith falls for the altar boy, Colin Richards, who becomes Faith's on-again, off-again boyfriend, but since he has all the characterization of a cardboard box, we can easily ignore him. Since Petey was properly exorcised, everything was peaches and cream once again, and the next day, Bob and Liz go to work at their store, Mailboxes and More Plus, and I like how Liz screws up the name on the phone, calling it Mailboxes and More, Etc., just coming out and admitting what company they're ripping off. Well, I guess it's nice they tried something original, not making Liz a homemaker or Bob slave away in an office, but why a postal store? What's funny about a postal store? Ha, what's funny about this show? Answer to both: nothing. Anyway, they have to cut the day short because Faith and Petey are trying to kill each other at home. It's a fight about the computer. Ah, the old days before tablets and houses had only one computer. To quell the squabbling siblings, Liz decides to hire a nanny. We also have a subplot going about Faith not having a date for homecoming, and Bob talks about how he had a date for his own prom, until he saw Liz, at which point he stood up the original date because he's a selfish piece of slime. Oh, but he's sure she's forgotten about it and moved on... cut to said stood up girl, Shelly, gluing her face over Liz's in the Pitts' prom picture. Ha ha ha, not so much ironic as it is predictable.
Shelly poses as "Shirley" Poppins, but forgets her own fake name when introducing herself. Number 1, you're an idiot. Number 2, apologize to Disney... actually no, apologize to Julie Andrews. Now, ol' Shelly has been pining for Bob Pitt lo these twenty five years, and will stop at nothing to get him. Really, Shelly? Why do you want him? The guy's a bungling, moronic goofball, and you've clearly got issues. Licking his coffee mug? Get help, girl. Next, she sets a wonderful example for Petey by doing his homework for him, and gives Faith money. When serving dinner, she is as subtle as an H-bomb, as she purposely neglects to serve Liz, but when Bob politely shares his with her, Shelly nearly blows a gasket. Calm down, Shelly, you're making The Pitts look normal. Remembering she actually has a brain, Liz uses it and calls the family together, saying Shelly has got to go, but they're all deadset against it. Shows how much they respect Liz, if they're willing to ignore the awful way Shelly was treating her. We can't let this moment of clarity set in for too long, so let's just show Shelly giving the Heimlich to their dog, Lucky... somebody better call PETA. So, while rooting through Shelly's belongings, Liz and the kids find her doctored prom picture, and that's when the evil woman appears, stating her intent to become the NEW Mrs. Pitt. She then forces Liz, Faith, Petey and Lucky into her trunk and locks them in. Physics be damned. Shelly throws herself at Bob, who clearly doesn't want her, just as the others manage to bump themselves in the trunk all the way downstairs. The family frees themselves, a fight ensues, only Bob can't hit Shelly because she's a woman, so she gets away and runs upstairs. Instead of just calling the police, Bob heads up to deal with her himself. Yeah, what are you going to do, lightweight? She easily pins him down and tortures him by shaving his legs with an electric razor. Liz kicks her into a filled bathtub, electrocuting her. Huh, kinda dark. But then she rises from the water, alive and well, having received a much-needed electroshock treatment. So she goes to jail, and by the grace of the deus ex machina, Colin shows up to ask Faith to the dance. He then hugs her and gets a creepy smile on his face, while Bob and Liz look on in fear.
Now... if you were a network president and this pilot had just been shown to you, would YOU order it to series? Would you want to see more of this? I guess the president in 2003, which would be Gail Berman, liked it and told the Scullys to not only make more episodes, but make them completely unrealistic. See, this pilot has the most grounded plot of the entire series, as nothing supernatural really happens, save for that non-sequitur exorcism at the beginning. After this, we have a talking Volkswagen, werewolves, a talking dummy, pipe through the head, and Satanic square dancers. I'm surprised this was ordered to series. Why would you want to see more of THESE people? They're horrible. Now, in terms of writing, it's just godawful. The jokes are groaners, with a few in bad taste, and they miss the mark by 300 miles. The acting is horrible, as everyone, especially Melissa Peterman, hams it up to stupefying degrees. In fact, during a few moments, it looked as if the actors were trying to deliver their lines and act normally, only I guess the director told them to keep hamming it up and be goofy and mug and whatnot. So, do I recommend The Pitts Pilot? No, for the love of God, no! Let's just forget this show even exists. I think the whole thing was just a poorly executed practical joke. It might have helped if they got better writers and hired actors who were more familiar with comedy, but that would do very little as this thing was a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. Not even Seinfeld's writers could have saved it. The Pitts is just baffling in how stupid and misconceived it is, just goes to show that they'll put anything on TV these days.
Shelly poses as "Shirley" Poppins, but forgets her own fake name when introducing herself. Number 1, you're an idiot. Number 2, apologize to Disney... actually no, apologize to Julie Andrews. Now, ol' Shelly has been pining for Bob Pitt lo these twenty five years, and will stop at nothing to get him. Really, Shelly? Why do you want him? The guy's a bungling, moronic goofball, and you've clearly got issues. Licking his coffee mug? Get help, girl. Next, she sets a wonderful example for Petey by doing his homework for him, and gives Faith money. When serving dinner, she is as subtle as an H-bomb, as she purposely neglects to serve Liz, but when Bob politely shares his with her, Shelly nearly blows a gasket. Calm down, Shelly, you're making The Pitts look normal. Remembering she actually has a brain, Liz uses it and calls the family together, saying Shelly has got to go, but they're all deadset against it. Shows how much they respect Liz, if they're willing to ignore the awful way Shelly was treating her. We can't let this moment of clarity set in for too long, so let's just show Shelly giving the Heimlich to their dog, Lucky... somebody better call PETA. So, while rooting through Shelly's belongings, Liz and the kids find her doctored prom picture, and that's when the evil woman appears, stating her intent to become the NEW Mrs. Pitt. She then forces Liz, Faith, Petey and Lucky into her trunk and locks them in. Physics be damned. Shelly throws herself at Bob, who clearly doesn't want her, just as the others manage to bump themselves in the trunk all the way downstairs. The family frees themselves, a fight ensues, only Bob can't hit Shelly because she's a woman, so she gets away and runs upstairs. Instead of just calling the police, Bob heads up to deal with her himself. Yeah, what are you going to do, lightweight? She easily pins him down and tortures him by shaving his legs with an electric razor. Liz kicks her into a filled bathtub, electrocuting her. Huh, kinda dark. But then she rises from the water, alive and well, having received a much-needed electroshock treatment. So she goes to jail, and by the grace of the deus ex machina, Colin shows up to ask Faith to the dance. He then hugs her and gets a creepy smile on his face, while Bob and Liz look on in fear.
Now... if you were a network president and this pilot had just been shown to you, would YOU order it to series? Would you want to see more of this? I guess the president in 2003, which would be Gail Berman, liked it and told the Scullys to not only make more episodes, but make them completely unrealistic. See, this pilot has the most grounded plot of the entire series, as nothing supernatural really happens, save for that non-sequitur exorcism at the beginning. After this, we have a talking Volkswagen, werewolves, a talking dummy, pipe through the head, and Satanic square dancers. I'm surprised this was ordered to series. Why would you want to see more of THESE people? They're horrible. Now, in terms of writing, it's just godawful. The jokes are groaners, with a few in bad taste, and they miss the mark by 300 miles. The acting is horrible, as everyone, especially Melissa Peterman, hams it up to stupefying degrees. In fact, during a few moments, it looked as if the actors were trying to deliver their lines and act normally, only I guess the director told them to keep hamming it up and be goofy and mug and whatnot. So, do I recommend The Pitts Pilot? No, for the love of God, no! Let's just forget this show even exists. I think the whole thing was just a poorly executed practical joke. It might have helped if they got better writers and hired actors who were more familiar with comedy, but that would do very little as this thing was a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. Not even Seinfeld's writers could have saved it. The Pitts is just baffling in how stupid and misconceived it is, just goes to show that they'll put anything on TV these days.