How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Wait for It (2007)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Gael : Gael.

  Ted Mosby : I'm sorry. Gayle?

  Gael : Gael.

  Barney Stinson : Kyle?

  Gael : Gael.

  Marshall Eriksen : ...Girl?

  Robin Scherbatsky : It's pronounced Guy-el.

• Ted Mosby : [Ted is unaware that he has a butterfly tattoo on his lower back]  As you can see, I do just fine on my own. I don't need a baby-sitter.

  Barney Stinson : See. All this time, I thought you need a wingman to fly, but the truth is you... you've got your own wings now.

  Ted Mosby : Hmm.

  Barney Stinson : Since you and Robin split, you've been gestating. Growing in your cocoon. And last night... you burst out of that cocoon... , like a majestic, uh... gosh, what is it that comes out of a cocoon? I was always bad at science.

  Lily Aldrin : [to Marshall]  He's gonna say it.

  Ted Mosby : A butterfly?

  [Everyone laughs] 

  Ted Mosby : What?

  Barney Stinson : Nothing, buddy.

  [Barney hits Ted's tattoo] 

  Ted Mosby : Ow! Why did that hurt so...? Oh my God!

  [Looks in mirror] 

  Ted Mosby : I have a tattoo!

  Barney Stinson : Oh, that's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp.

• Amy : Who's the suit?

  Ted Mosby : Hum. This is Barney. Barney, Amy.

  Barney Stinson : I'm not gonna remember that. Now, if you'll excuse me, Random Chick From Earlier Tonight, as you shall henceforth be known. Ted and I have a schedule to keep.

  Amy : Oh, well. You can check out off 08:54, dress up like a dork and bother the cool kids. Beat it, nerd.

  Barney Stinson : Wow. Wow. Great stuff, Tommy Lee. See what you don't understand is, I'm Ted wingman. It's a sacred bond, much stronger that any... They're making out again!

• Barney Stinson : [yelling]  This is so going in my blog!

• Amy : Sorry I used to nanny for those jerks before they fired me... So unfair!

  Barney Stinson : Unfair? I would not let you take care of the imaginary kids I make up to score with single moms!

• Barney Stinson : Not possible. You cannot have sex on a windsurfing board.

  Lily Aldrin : How do you know?

  Barney Stinson : Glad you asked Lily. I have crafted a list of every vehicle land-based, aquatic and airborne in which/on which it's possible to have sex. And of those 33 vehicles, I have had sex in/on 31. Windsurfing board, not on the list, not possible. Oh, P.S., in order to hit 33, all I need is bobsled and the Apollo 11 space capsule.

  Lily Aldrin : To get that last one, you'd have to break into the Smithsonian.

  Barney Stinson : This conversation never happened.

• Barney Stinson : [First lines, continued from the end of last season]  ... Dary ! Legendary ! Dude, I am so excited that you're single again. We're going to conquer New York City. I already have a girl from work lined up for you. Right boob bigger than the left boob, which some choose to look at as bra half empty. I choose to look at as bra half full.

• Barney Stinson : [Barney is trying to get Ted to go out after his break-up with Robin]  Ted Mosby, suit up, 'cause here's the plan. There's a Miss Nassau County pageant. We'll pretend to be judges and, yes, our votes are for sale.

  Ted Mosby : I'm not ready.

  Barney Stinson : [Again]  Finish line of a woman 10K. Salty girls on an endorphin high who just want to lie down. Yeah!

  Ted Mosby : I'm not ready.

  Barney Stinson : [And again]  Female acrobats from Montreal. Super flexible. We're going to get "Cirque de So-Laid". What up?

  Ted Mosby : Barney, come on, we've covered this.

• Barney Stinson : We're on a tight schedule. I've got the entire evening perfectly planned out... Spoiler alert: Our last stop is an after hours club so after hours, it's three days from now. What up?

• Barney Stinson : [to Ted]  Tonight, we're going to get you someone way hotter than Robin. Okay, Robin's a ten. Fine, we'll get you a 12. Or, you know... two sixes. Failing that, four threes. And, break glass in case of emergency, we'll go to Staten Island, I'll get you 12 ones.

• Narrator : The night was going great. Amy was cool and dangerous. She found a friend for Barney. She even paid for drinks. Sort of.

  [Amy steals a bottle and runs away] 

  Barney Stinson : They know us here. You're gonna get us in trouble.

  Amy : Tell me something: do you ask your tailor to leave extra room in the crotch for your huge vagina?