This movie proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there is no unified God of Movie Production. This movie had one thing (and only one thing) going for it -- it is the most hilarious, most badly written, and most poorly made movie in years. Most of the cast isn't bad -- actors that were obviously temporarily insane when they made the movie -- but Vanilla Ice is out of his overly-shaved mind. The clothes, the hair, the sunglasses, the "how's the hoise" accent...cheese beyond belief! Of course, it's true what they say -- you haven't lived until you've seen this movie, if for no other reason than that you will need something to compare other movies to. "Well, 'Wayne's World II' wasn't great, but it was nowhere NEAR as bad as 'Cool as Ice'."
Why were people in awe of this guy? I'm sorry, but "Johnny Owen" was a freak. If that guy showed up at my door, I wouldn't be amazed, or stand-offish. I wouldn't be able to talk, because I would be rolling on the floor in hysterics. It's bad enough the movie was a loss, but did they have to destroy every illusion I had about small town bands? The whole point of the movie seemed to be to bolster up Vanilla's dying career, and expose the world to phrases like "schling a schlong". I can't spoil the plot for you because, basically, there was none. A lot of dancing...or at least, what they apparently thought was dancing...well, at least Kristin Minter and Deezer D. went on to "ER" together.
All that aside, I have to admit, I watched this movie three times. I was laughing too hard the first, crying too hard the second, and watched it the third time to show someone else how inane it was. Stars? Two and a half out of five, less if VIce ever does a movie again.
Why were people in awe of this guy? I'm sorry, but "Johnny Owen" was a freak. If that guy showed up at my door, I wouldn't be amazed, or stand-offish. I wouldn't be able to talk, because I would be rolling on the floor in hysterics. It's bad enough the movie was a loss, but did they have to destroy every illusion I had about small town bands? The whole point of the movie seemed to be to bolster up Vanilla's dying career, and expose the world to phrases like "schling a schlong". I can't spoil the plot for you because, basically, there was none. A lot of dancing...or at least, what they apparently thought was dancing...well, at least Kristin Minter and Deezer D. went on to "ER" together.
All that aside, I have to admit, I watched this movie three times. I was laughing too hard the first, crying too hard the second, and watched it the third time to show someone else how inane it was. Stars? Two and a half out of five, less if VIce ever does a movie again.
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