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Big Bad John (1990)
2/10
Miscast, misguided mistake
19 February 2004
A good ol' boy film is almost required to have moonshine, car chases, a storyline that has a vague resemblance to "plot" and at least one very pretty country gal, barefoot with short shorts and a low top. The pretty gal is here (dressed in designer jeans)-- but the redneck prerequisites stop there. Jimmy Dean is a natural as a sausage spokesman but as a tough guy former sheriff, he comes up way short. Big John is big, but he isn't convincing with the "bad" part of his moniker. Bug-eyed Jack Elam is a hoot as always and Bo Hopkins has been playing this same part for decades; Ned Beatty also does his part in a small role... but there is no STORY. It smells more like an episode of In The Heat Of The Night than a feature film. Cornball cornpone with easily predictable sentiment. Perhaps the most glaring problem with this movie is Charlie Daniels singing the theme. You know the one; it was made famous by... Jimmy Dean.
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Cavegirl (1985)
2/10
Not much worse
17 February 2004
I've recently embarked on a B-movie kick and found this dog in the sci-fi section at my local video store. I had walked by it a thousand times before and- as it turned out- with good reason. Initially, it appeared to be just another early '80s teen skinfest. If that is your favorite genre, the locker room scene will not disappoint. However, it also constitutes the high point of the film. When the social outcast (READ: nerd) vanishes from a school field trip via an unexplained military experiment and finds himself in prehistory, the movie loses all logic and redeeming qualities. If it had any to begin with. Atypical misadventures with Our Hero attempting to score with the beautiful (and amazingly well-groomed) Cave Girl. Watch it on a self-induced Bad Movie Night or walk on by like I should have done for the 1,000 and first time.
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The Shining (1980)
10/10
Subtle build-up: Terrifying
8 February 2003
Warning: Spoilers
Kubrick and Nicholson prove throughout this horror epic that good direction and acting tell a better tale than multi-million dollar special effects. Berlioz over the opening credits sets the stage for a slow, deliberate feeling of dread. SPOILER ALERT-- If you need an explosion in every other scene and a body-count in the hundreds before a movie reaches its' finale, this is not for you. The Shining is a horror picture that actually requires you to imagine a little of what scares the hell out of you rather than having it spelled out-- END SPOILER... This is an intelligent depiction of what frightens people the most and that, after all, is what can conceivably happen. Isolation equals boredom and Jack isn't very nice when he gets bored.
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