My friends and I were sitting around one day having one of our conversations about movies and someone asked the question, "What is the worst film you've ever seen?" The question was answered round-table style by everyone in the room. There was a 'Batman and Robin', a 'Cruel Intentions' and someone else even threw in 'Tomb Raider'. When it came to be my turn to answer, there was no hesitation. No doubt in my mind, no pause in my speech, to slur to my words. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the worst movie I had ever seen in my entire life was "Howling: New Moon Rising". In fact, I went so far as to say that "Howling: New Moon Rising" isn't just the worst movie I've ever seen--it's the worst movie ever made.
Ever.
There is no point in arguing with me. And yes, I have seen "Retro Puppet Master" and "Going Overboard".
Over the years, the film industry has put out some pretty horrendous films, movies that leave bad tastes in your mouth, movies that make you rush to the bathroom to vomit them out of your system, but "H:NMR" is the first movie that ever made me want to throw myself off a bridge and plunge into the icy waters below. Yes, this film made me want to welcome death with open arms, and chances are it will probably do the same to you.
Words cannot describe how bad this movie is. Joe Dante made the first 'Howling' in 1981 and it is, in my opinion, the greatest werewolf film ever made. Then 'The Howling' became infected with a horrible virus: sequelitis. Executives realized that they could make a cheap buck by churning out inexpensive, unrelated sequels, so they did. The sequels ranged from the decent-- "Howling V: The Rebirth", to the so-bad it's hilarious-- "Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf". Then writer/producer/actor/film composer/editor/post-production supervisor and all around multi-talented and title-hogging Clive Turner came aboard. (I meant all that, really...oh, except for the talented part). I read an interview with this guy and he went on and on about how this is easily the best of the series, maybe even better than the first one. How they're doing some really unique things with this movie to make it stand out.
Well, Mr. Turner, if by 'unique' you really mean, 'ridiculously inane, idiotic, incomprehensible, so-ameteurish my six-year old cousin could make a better film told in finger paints and shoe-polish' then yeah, I'd say you've definately done something 'unique' with the series.
This movie is a tricky devil. It's got box art that's more than half-way decent, a back cover synopsis that makes the movie sound flavorful and interesting and it's a part of a series that ultimately is good fun if you've nothing better to rent then six werewolf films. But, I WARN you...picking this movie up, you are damning your soul to 90 minutes of painful torture, quite possibly not unlike the very fires of Hades itself...but then again, what do I know? I'm the guy who just spent twenty minutes typing this "review".
After I told all of my friends my choice for worst movie ever, they all groaned and moaned. "We were picking more mainstream films, Brandon. I'm sure 'Howling 7' is bad, but we're talking 'Ghost Ship' here."
I thought about running to the closest video store, plunking down the three bucks to rent this film and forcing them to sit through it, suffering, sweating and possibly bleeding, but then I realized that's how movies like this get made, by people trying to prove to their friends that have truly seen the worst film ever.
Nah, I thought, I'd rather put my hand in the blender.
Ever.
There is no point in arguing with me. And yes, I have seen "Retro Puppet Master" and "Going Overboard".
Over the years, the film industry has put out some pretty horrendous films, movies that leave bad tastes in your mouth, movies that make you rush to the bathroom to vomit them out of your system, but "H:NMR" is the first movie that ever made me want to throw myself off a bridge and plunge into the icy waters below. Yes, this film made me want to welcome death with open arms, and chances are it will probably do the same to you.
Words cannot describe how bad this movie is. Joe Dante made the first 'Howling' in 1981 and it is, in my opinion, the greatest werewolf film ever made. Then 'The Howling' became infected with a horrible virus: sequelitis. Executives realized that they could make a cheap buck by churning out inexpensive, unrelated sequels, so they did. The sequels ranged from the decent-- "Howling V: The Rebirth", to the so-bad it's hilarious-- "Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf". Then writer/producer/actor/film composer/editor/post-production supervisor and all around multi-talented and title-hogging Clive Turner came aboard. (I meant all that, really...oh, except for the talented part). I read an interview with this guy and he went on and on about how this is easily the best of the series, maybe even better than the first one. How they're doing some really unique things with this movie to make it stand out.
Well, Mr. Turner, if by 'unique' you really mean, 'ridiculously inane, idiotic, incomprehensible, so-ameteurish my six-year old cousin could make a better film told in finger paints and shoe-polish' then yeah, I'd say you've definately done something 'unique' with the series.
This movie is a tricky devil. It's got box art that's more than half-way decent, a back cover synopsis that makes the movie sound flavorful and interesting and it's a part of a series that ultimately is good fun if you've nothing better to rent then six werewolf films. But, I WARN you...picking this movie up, you are damning your soul to 90 minutes of painful torture, quite possibly not unlike the very fires of Hades itself...but then again, what do I know? I'm the guy who just spent twenty minutes typing this "review".
After I told all of my friends my choice for worst movie ever, they all groaned and moaned. "We were picking more mainstream films, Brandon. I'm sure 'Howling 7' is bad, but we're talking 'Ghost Ship' here."
I thought about running to the closest video store, plunking down the three bucks to rent this film and forcing them to sit through it, suffering, sweating and possibly bleeding, but then I realized that's how movies like this get made, by people trying to prove to their friends that have truly seen the worst film ever.
Nah, I thought, I'd rather put my hand in the blender.