After quarterback Tom Brady witnesses Peter pummeling several people in order to get to the bathroom, he recruits him to play for the New England Patriots.
Quagmire falls in love with and marries the maid that Peter won on a game show only to find out that she's a psycho and must figure out a way to get out of it.
Peter reluctantly agrees to get a vasectomy, and refuses to have sex, causing Lois to gain weight; Stewie's half-brother Bertram declare an all-out war for control over the playground.
Peter writes an erotic novel, but a lawsuit leaves his investor, Carter, broke, forcing him to move in with the Griffins; Stewie trains for the Olympics.
Peter's attempt to open build a movie theater on the Indian burial ground in his backyard releases a poltergeist that sucks Stewie into the television set.