Bottom (TV Series)

Digger (1992)

Adrian Edmondson: Eddie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lily Linneker : Lady Natasha Letitia Sarah Jane Wellsley.

  Richie : Oo she sounds ni...

  Lily Linneker : [continuing]  -Obstronsky Ponsonsky Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Oblomov Boblomov Dob, third vicountess of Moldavia.

  Eddie : Brilliant! We'll have half a dozen.

• [Richie and Eddie are waiting outside Lily Linneker's Love Bureau] 

  Lily Linneker : Hello, gentlemen, sorry to have kept you waiting. Which one of you is Mr. Hitler?

  Eddie : Oh, that'll be me.

  Lily Linneker : Any relation?

  Eddie : [puzzled]  Well, I've got a mother.

  Lily Linneker : No, no no no, I meant Adolf Hitler.

  Eddie : Yes, that's her!

• [Richie's date repeatedly knocks on the door] 

  Richie : All right, all right! Take it easy you bitch!

  [pause] 

  Richie : I mean, Your Bitchness... I mean Lady Bitch of, oh God Eddie, what do you call them?

  Eddie : Jugs, what do you call them?

• Lily Linneker : [Checking their forms]  I see, you want someone homely, with cooking skills, fun to be with... and a wazzo pair of jugs?

  Richie : But obviously we're flexible.

  Eddie : But not about the jugs.

  Richie : No, we have to be firm on the jugs.

  Eddie : And the jugs have to be very firm.

  Richie : Oh, come off it, Eddie, there must be more to life than jugs.

  Eddie : What?

  Richie : [Thinks]  You're right, a wazzo pair of jugs it is.

• [Richie tries to impress his date, Lady Natasha Letitia Sarah Jane Wellesley Obstromsky Ponsonsky Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Ovlomov Boblomov Dob, third viscountess of Moldavia] 

  Richie : What was it Shakespeare used to say?

  Eddie : [dressed as a butler]  Um..."Hello, my dear. I'm a playwriter, you know. Come on, give us a snog".

  Richie : No, Eddie!

  Eddie : Um..."Where's my quill? Bloody Hell, I bought five yesterday! Where do they all go?"

  Richie : [laughing nervously]  No, really! What was it he used to say?

  Eddie : "What do you mean, it's crap? There's eight bodies at the end, and he gets to shag his Mum!"

  [Richie punches Eddie in the groin] 

• Richie : [indicating the posh nosh he has bought to impress his expensive date]  I had to sell a kidney to buy this lot.

  Eddie : Well, they didn't want mine.

  Richie : Well, they're not much good pickled are they! Mind you, Sarsons showed some interest.

• Richie : You're just jealous 'cause you're only a servant. Were you never in love?

  Eddie : Yes I was, actually.

  Richie : Oh! What was her name?

  Eddie : [dreamy-eyed]  Harry.

  Richie : Harry?

  Eddie : Harry Belafonte.

  Richie : Wait, you were in love with Harry Belafonte?

  Eddie : Well, that's what she said her name was. Well, she sort of shouted over her shoulder as she ran off into the night.

  Richie : Let's forget shall we?

  Eddie : That's what she said!

  Richie : No, let's just drop it.

  Eddie : She said that as well!

  Richie : Edward Hitler, I am really not interested!

  Eddie : This is uncanny! Were you there?

• Richie : [Spots something in the bowls]  Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What is this? You haven't even cleaned these bowls out, Eddie.

  [He empties the contents of the bowls into the bin] 

  Richie : This is disgusting, must I do everything myself? What is this stuff?

  Eddie : That's the caviar.

  Richie : What?

  Eddie : Yeah, about two-hundred quids worth, that's about half a kidney.

  Richie : [Gathers it back in]  Oh yes, so it is. They've changed the design a bit, haven't they? Very novel and interesting. There, that'll do, no-one will know. Now, Eddie, have you strained you vegetables?

  Eddie : No, it's just these hired trousers are a bit tight.

  Richie : Come on, get on with it, look! You haven't even mashed the potatoes. Where is the potato masher?

  Eddie : Well, Harry "I'll do anything for half-a-pint" Grundy's still got it.

  Richie : Has he still got it?

  Eddie : Yeah, they couldn't get it out of him in the hospital.

  Richie : Well, you'll just have to use your head.

  Eddie : What do you mean?

  Richie : This.

  [Shoves Eddie's head into the pan]